Thoughts After a “Small” Car Accident

(Everyone involved is okay)

Two weeks ago, on my way to my daughter’s piano lesson, I got rear ended by a pick-up truck. (We are okay and thankfully, no one got severely injured) There was traffic ahead of me and all the cars in front of me including me were stopped. One moment I am stopped and talking to my daughter about her piano homework and a second later, there is a big “thump” and I am hit from the back. And I didn’t know what to do. For a few seconds I am trying to realize what happened even though it was obvious. I put my flashers on, get out of the car to check on my daughter, who is scared, and I look at the man who hit us, and all of a sudden I am yelling and crying at the same time. We were in the middle of the road and we agree to make the next right turn and wait for the police.

My body is shaking. I had no idea if I did the right thing in the moment. I call 911, give them my location, tell them what happened, and wait for the state troopers to arrive. They took 20 minutes to arrive and I continued to ask myself “How do I not know what to do in a car accident?” I have been driving for 15 years and I have no idea what I am supposed to do. Fortunately, I have never had to know. And when I think of car accidents, I think about tragic events and stories I have heard. I think about the big accidents. (Not that I would know what to do in a big car accident either) But here are some thoughts from a “small” accident.

1. There is trauma — The trauma isn’t tragic in the way it would be in a harrowing accident (harrowing accident= injuries, cars totaled, hospitalization, loss…). The trauma is subtle and follows you like a shadow, even after an accident where there wasn’t a dreadful ending. The trauma is in the million what if’s that come to mind when I think back to that moment. The trauma is in the shock and the realization that I acted purely on adrenaline. The trauma is in the memory of that moment. The trauma is in not being able to remember that moment fully. The trauma is in being unable to drive without fear and every moment now feels like a possible accident. The trauma is the lingering guilt even though it wasn’t my fault. Someone else wasn’t looking and didn’t put their foot on the brakes. The trauma is in the disruption of daily life and adding to the current trauma of life in a pandemic. The trauma is there.
2. The body needs to heal — While we didn’t get hospitalized because there was no blood or visible injury at the scene, my body felt defeated for at least two weeks. Apparently, you can get whiplash from speeds as low as 5mph and I got hit by 15 mph when I was stopped. The accident itself was so quick, I don’t even know what my body did. My daughter and I both woke up the next day with headaches and body aches. We both got checked out by a doctor and were diagnosed with whiplash. She is too young to get medication beyond ibuprofen and I was able to get some muscle relaxers for my stiff neck that was causing migraines. The hardest part was that none of this was visible. It was all happening inside my head and only I could feel it and see it. Over the course of two weeks, I became a different person. The headaches took two weeks to get mild and all because of something that was out of my control. It was difficult to remind myself to take time to heal because I looked the same as I did before the accident. Inside, nothing felt the same.
3. When we drive, we put our safety in others’ control — I’ve been driving for over a decade and I’ve never been comfortable driving. Every time I get behind the wheel, I know that while I won’t go on my phone, that doesn’t mean someone else won’t either. I can’t control if someone is on the road after a few drinks. I try very hard to make sure we are not driving on a Friday or Saturday night. I am afraid of choices that other drivers are making that are completely out of my control. This accident emphasized this thought for me even more. If it was a thought written on paper before, now it is in bold, italicized, and underlined. Driving is something most of us do everyday and we put our lives in the hands of other drivers. We actually risk our lives everyday.

I hope no one in my orbit who is reading this has to have thoughts after any kind of car accident. In case you do, remember: there is trauma, the body needs time to heal, and it isn’t always in our control.